Who am I?

Who am I?

This is a question which has puzzled, intrigued me since so many years. I used to see this ( me) and that ( others), behaving in so many strange ways , for so many years, and I used to wonder

Why? Why do I do the things I do ?

Why do others do the things they do?

 Why is the world the way it is?

 How to be happy and successful in this world?

  The answer as per ancient texts, and what I have understood in a limited way from what my Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar ji, has told me is below

To be happy , first I have to understand the basic question, who am I? For that, first we have to drop this intense and blind attachment about ourselves, the sort of positive or negative glow we have about ourselves and look at ourselves,  dispassionately and neutrally.  

 I have to look at what are the components of this entity called amarnath mallya. If I understand this, then it is easier to manage this and take it towards its goal of being happy.

if I break down the components of what constitutes Amarnath Mallya, I have a physical body, and a mind. The word mind, it is confusing because, I really don’t understand what a mind is, because I cant see it , touch it . Let us go deeper into what a mind is based on our own experiences with the mind.

The mind is an energy field in the physical body which has ,

·         thoughts

·         feelings and emotions

·         memories

·         logical thinking ( intellect)

·         a feeling of me and mine ( ego)

Instead of calling this field , the mind which is so confusing and doesn’t really convey anything, can I call it the mental body. The moment, I call it a body, things are so much clearer, because the mental body has certain attributes which are similar to the physical body

·         It has a limited space which it occupies

·         It has food which it consumes and which cause its growth in a specific way. If  I eat, nutritious food which is rich in protein , the muscles of my physical body might grow stronger.   Similarly, the sensual information is the main food for the mental body and causes its development in a specific way, either stronger or weaker.

·         It has limited mental capacity to perform tasks. As my physical body has limitations due to various factors like heredity, genetics, upbringing, habits (for example, I cannot lift a 100 kg weight) similarly my mental body cannot do certain tasks due to the same reasons. This realization automatically reduces the stress and load which we put on the mind. Because of our ambitions and desires , many times we put more load on the mind than it is currently capable of processing , which causes it to further break down and become weaker.

·         It can be trained and developed. As I can increase the strength of my physical body thru physical exercise, nutritious food, rest etc, similarly I can strengthen my mental body, thru various practices like Sudarshan kriya, meditation, giving it healthy sensual information, etc.

·          As I am not the physical body ( It is my body , but I am not the body) , similarly I am not the mental body. We have so much identified with the mind and its thoughts, it is very important to realize that, I am not the mental body...

 It is very easy to understand that gross objects are not me. Realizing, I am wearing a shirt, but I am not the  shirt. I have a hand, but I am not the hand, is easy… But I have a thought and I am not the thought, is not so easy. Because thoughts are subtle.

 Thoughts are the products of the mental body’s interaction with the outer world . The mental body due to various factors ( discussed earlier) is currently in a particular way and it inevitably will function /respond in a certain way while dealing with the outer world.

 This realization again will drop so much blame, guilt, anger, we have about ourselves and others. Many times, we get agitated when we see others behave in a particular way. If we just realize, that they are more or less compelled to act in this particular way due to the peculiar composition of their mental  bodies, our stress will come down.

Now since we have understood , that I am not the physical body, I am not the mental body? Now the real question comes, Who am I?

The highest truth as per Vedanta is Soham, which literally mean Sa – I , aham (am) That. I am that, I am that which I am searching for , I am the divine whom I am searching for, I am the bliss which I am searching for, I am the love which I am searching for.

This what the vedantic seers have been telling, and this is the highest message which the Guru gives the shishya, that tat tvam asi, you are that, you are the love, the bliss , divine which you are searching for.

Then the point comes, If I  am that , why don’t I realize, understand , feel that I am divine.

This is because of the  Mental body   which overshadows the third layer which we can call the Big mind or Divine.

The Mental body makes a lot of noise and cries, which fully overshadows the big mind which ( usually) is a silent witness. It will not say /do anything, it just is there, like a presence , like a mother looking fondly at the child playing with its toys.

There are 2 main approaches to be aware of the Big mind/Divine within us.

1 . Sanyasa - Leave the world which keeps on disturbing the mental body, go to secluded places and do some spiritual practices, be there and hope the mental body will become quiet. This has its own challenges because physically we can be away from the world but mentally the body will be connected , fantasizing about the world.

2. Grihastha - Be in the world, and keep experiencing whatever happens.

When good things happen, our goals are achieved, our desires are fulfilled, we experience happiness/ bliss. The happiness is not because of the goals being achieved , but the racing mind has stopped and we have connected to the big mind whose nature is happiness. Unfortunately this connection is only momentary as again the mental body starts racing towards one more goal and the cycle continues.

 When our goals are not achieved ,  the mental body gets disturbed  and one day the disturbance will be so much that we stop identifying with the mental body and surrender, that in contrast the big mind will be visible.

While both the above paths are effective,  they take a lot of time, maybe many lifetimes of practice.

This is where the guidance and grace of a realized Guru can be the greatest blessing.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has given a hybrid path in the form of  Art of Living, which is fast and effective. This is a combination of both being in the world and being detached from it.

Daily practices of Sadhana, Yoga, Pranayama and Meditation, where in we can detach from the world for at least a few minutes per day, Advance meditation course where in we are Silent and secluded from the world for a few days in a year.

Satsang where in we find joy in chanting, singing and knowledge and Seva, where in we are engaged in serving the world. The path of service brings its own challenges which serves the twin purposes of disturbing the mental body ( which helps us to identify with it less) and at the same time creating good karma.

 Through, the combination of both the approaches, the Mental body will become more silent and then the Big mind/Divine will come, more and more to our awareness.  Then the physical body and mental body will start healing and glowing positively by themselves spontaneously and  we will slowly start experiencing, a bliss and joy in our lives, which is not caused by outside circumstances but just Is.